I apologize for the lack of continuity across this entry; this is much like a stream-of-consciousness entry. The only thing I did before writing it was search through the fortune files on my computer for an appropriate quote. Most of these entries are considered and pondered for a while before writing.

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.

-- James Thurber

I just heard about it. And all I feel inside is numbness; a disaster -- nay, an attack of epic proportions is being perpetrated around me, on my countrymen, and all I feel is numbness. That, and a growing feeling of hate. Not fear, but hate. (And, an odd twinge of patriotism now that I proofread this.)

I've spent some amount of time reading up on what has happened now, and it sickens me down to the core. And I wonder if the date has been noticed -- September 11, 2001 -- by many people. From September 5 to September 17, in 1978, Arab and Israeli leaders met at Camp David to discuss and sign the Camp David Accords, which were a framework for peace. September 11 comes in the exact middle of that time period. And for those of you who know me well, you know I don't believe in coincidences.

My prayers go out to those who are hurt, and to those who have died. My thoughts wander about who did this, and if it is only the beginning. And my heart cries out in anguish at this terrible tragedy. And yet, I sit here in the lab, going on about my life. As though nothing has happened.

I'm not angry about what has happened; rather I'm sad. I'm not fearful about what is to come; rather I hate those who did this. That's an odd feeling for me -- I've disliked people before, and even gone so far as to avoid some. But hate ... hate is an emotion I've never placed much stock in. Possibly for the first time in my life, I truly hate something.

Brian Naberhuis
Last modified: Tue Sep 11 10:41:08 PDT 2001